Celebrate the Pain

What is it to celebrate?

1.	to observe (a day) or commemorate (an event) with ceremonies or festivities:

2.	to make known publicly; proclaim:

3.	to praise widely or to present to widespread and favorable public notice, as through newspapers or novels:

4.	to perform with appropriate rites and ceremonies; solemnize:

In December I wrote this poem:

I know what it is to be a leper

I know what it is to have once been able to feel crevices and details, but to now not notice intricacies.

I know what it is to forget what soft feels like.

To forget what rough feels like

To forget what pain feels like.

And I don't know which is worse.

And part of me is so angry and I want to clench my fists

but I can't

And part of me is so desperate that I need to stretch out my hands

but I can't

And part of me just needs to hold on

but I can't hold anything

So I sit

with hand resting on knees

Open only as far as they will fall on their own

But my hands are open.

My hands are open to the knowledge that you have healed leperswith nothing more than water

with nothing more than words

My hands are open to the promise that you love me more than I will ever know or understand

and my hands are open to the hope that I will one day be able to open my hands

But until that day

I sit

with hands resting on knees

open to the promise of you.

I've referenced this poem before in trying to figure out what God was teaching me through it. Today I recognize it as a monument to a prayer long prayed being answered. Today I'm choosing to set up another monument to pain.

I don't know that I fully understand all of the ways in which we are to rejoice in our sufferings. What I can say today is not over suffering, but I am rejoicing that I'm suffering. I can say that one thing that pain does is move us and hopefully move us in the right direction. There is no movement if we're not feeling.

Today I recognize that my prayers have been answered and will continue to be. As I sit with pain I will rejoice knowing that I did not feel it 8 months ago but I feel it today, and in feeling I stand confidently knowing that healing will come from it.

¹ The desert and the parched land will be glad;

the wilderness will rejoice and blossom.

Like the crocus, ² it will burst into bloom;

it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy.

The glory of Lebanon will be given to it,

the splendor of Carmel and Sharon;

they will see the glory of the LORD,

the splendor of our God.

³ Strengthen the feeble hands,

steady the knees that give way;

⁴ say to those with fearful hearts,

"Be strong, do not fear;

your God will come,

he will come with vengeance;

with divine retribution

he will come to save you."

⁵ Then will the eyes of the blind be opened

and the ears of the deaf unstopped.

⁶ Then will the lame leap like a deer,

and the mute tongue shout for joy.

Water will gush forth in the wilderness

and streams in the desert.

⁷ The burning sand will become a pool,

the thirsty ground bubbling springs.

In the haunts where jackals once lay,

grass and reeds and papyrus will grow.

⁸ And a highway will be there;

it will be called the Way of Holiness.

The unclean will not journey on it;

it will be for those who walk in that Way;

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⁹ No lion will be there,

nor will any ferocious beast get up on it;

they will not be found there.

But only the redeemed will walk there,

¹⁰ and the ransomed of the LORD will return.

They will enter Zion with singing;

everlasting joy will crown their heads.

Gladness and joy will overtake them,

and sorrow and sighing will flee away.

Isaiah 35